Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Howard Reviews the Abduction Conference

The day after he returned from the conference, a dejected Howard leaned against the fireplace mantel Tally had welded to the wall in his absence.

In an effort to soften the despair inflicted upon Howard's soul by the abduction conference, the couple replaced their usual nightly warm prune juice with Jagermeister shots, accepting the likely possibility that, as a result, they would both throw up in the morning if not before.

"Did I learn anything there to improve my abducting acumen? No!"

"Please don't interview yourself, Howard. That form of evasive rhetoric is pretty much played by now. Just tell me why you're so disappointed."

"There was a session on how kidnappers have been appropriating abduction culture in the media for years, going back at least to 1886 when Robert Louis Stevenson published Kidnapped. Then, according to the presenter, matters were only made worse by the film Ransom, both the Glenn Ford version in 1956 and Ron Howard's remake 40 years later starring Mel Gibson.

"In a later session, two highly acclaimed abduction scholars rekindled the decades-old debate on whether Patty Hearst had been kidnapped or abducted. Which was the rightful term? And what would that term tell us about class wars, privilege, terrorism, entitlement and the Stockholm syndrome? And what would the other term tell us about those same issues? 

"Sue Arv, a staunch defender of the kidnap school of thought, argued rigorously, using dozens of articles from refereed journals, that the etymology of 'kidnap' (from Latin nap, meaning 'seize,' hence 'nap diem') makes the act more of a domestic crime, therefore lacking the gravitas of 'abduct,' as well as the latter's more universal implications.


"The 'red-eye' panel discussion featured Father Maureen O'Kennedy, Dr. Orville Meckowitz and Judge Sylvia Hancock sharing their respective thoughts on 'Abduction and the Perception Problem: Disease, Crime or Sin?'

"In yesterday's early morning session entitled 'Delivering the (Fe)male: Women, Sex, Gender, Native American Indigenous Aboriginal Amerindians and Problematizing Abductorial Displacement,'  Heather Walking Tree Schmidt, on the lam from one of the most scholarly prisons in the country, cataloged the disrespectful non inclusion of these demographics in American art since John Ford's 1956 film classic The Searchers.

"Ms. Schmidt's position is legitimate, I agree with her and always have, she's absolutely right, and I share her anger over it, but all I wanted was some tips and shit to refine my art, to give me a leg up on my competitors in the Medford* area. Nothing! Zilchers!" 

Tally stretched, then walked slowly to the fireplace and rubbed her beloved Howard on the back.

"Just try to hit delete," she said. "Now that you know, just let it go, as my granny used to say. Oh, you hot handsome harbinger of happiness! If you put a nervous smile on that sweet face of yours, you'd remind me of Jay Gatsby leaning against the mantelpiece during his rainy day rendezvous with Daisy Fay in F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, published in 1922, chapter 5, page 91 in Scribner's Authorized Text with notes and preface by Matthew J. Bruccoli."

"What? I'm sorry, I just drifted off for a second. Did you say something about broccoli?"

"No more Jagermeister for you, big guy! Let's change the subject and watch some Steve Harvey (Tally had a secret thing for teeth), but first tell me if you got to see the great Jedidiah Einsatzgruppe."

"Yes, I did, my little Tallyrooski," he said, his spirits slowly abandoning the tar pit of depression. "But that story can wait till we see what ol' Steve is up to tonight."

The lights went out. The couple collapsed on the sofa. Steve Harvey flashed his double-decker smile. Something stirred deep inside Tally.

Yes, the Jedidiah Einsatzgruppe story could wait for another day.

*A quick reminder of Medford's location: just a few miles from Townsville.

22 comments:

  1. If you are looking for some material on abduction then this article is perfect for you.For more details you can be referred to best essay writing company.I truly recognize your writing efforts in your article.

    ReplyDelete
  2. playrix gardenscapes Then look for lost areas of the lawn to buy additional items such as plants, plants, flowers, chicken nests or even other garden items.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It has resulted in the safe return of thousands of kidnapped children around the world, as well as deterring the kidnapping of countless others.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This movie is the best because it has positive content and we can watch it with our family members. There is no negative content in it. Assignment writing services.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The brake system is an extremely important safety feature on your vehicle. At ALSA Automotive Repair, we understand that a brake system is essential for your safety and that of other drivers. Our experts will examine the entire brake system, including theCar and truck oil changes Abu Dhabi pads / shoes, hydraulic fluids, rotor and drum wear, calipers and wheel cylinders, brake hardware, hoses and pipes, master cylinder and the anti-lock braking system for your car.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Our Real Leather spring sale Jacket is traditional leather, the style now also commonly appears in nylon and other materials. Available at topcelebsjackets.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Get Our Famous Hollywood Movies Leather outfits available at our Online Store Instyle.com, We offer free shipping at Coats jackets men . Visit to but this product

    ReplyDelete
  8. Together with our comprehensive knowledge of materials and safety protocolsdry bulk trucking in houston, texas that follow strict regulations, we offer a wide range of bulk transportation trucks to ensure that each load is hauled and transported safely and efficiently.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bathroom and kitchen tile are installed to last. We install tile to the walls with adhesive using grout between the tiles keeping them in place and moisture out. However, water and moisture can damage the sealant over time, particularly in older homes where silicone caulk was not used.
    Edmonton tiling Contractor

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hasten is uniquely positioned to maximize the success of its customers by utilizing its vast network of relationships along with its unwavering focus on its core principles of honesty, reliability, quality, credibility, and trust. With the goal of providing quality products, safely, and on a timely basis, Hasten will ensure you are satisfied with the end result.

    ReplyDelete
  11. We understand the demands of the industry, the demand is Natural Natural Stone Supplier Alberta That’s why we work tirelessly to ensure you have an efficient and smooth product procurement.

    ReplyDelete
  12. At Envirosteam, we offer a wide range of services for cleaning and conditioning your Boat and RV. We also have exclusive servicesUpholstery Cleaning Ottawa for the most demanding clients and professionals who need personalized treatment, with maximum guarantees and the best finishes.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm finishing my PHD and furthermore filling in as a senior substance essayist at someone write my assignment. I pick them since I appreciate their work. And furthermore encountered their Essay Writing UK two times during my graduation.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Our costs are very low that you can easily affort it. Now there is no need to take out a second mortgage on your home just to afford professional repairs foundation repair Edmonton.

    ReplyDelete
  15. SENSOTOP is an innovative and dynamic company based in France, formed and led by experienced experts from the Oil and Gas Industry to provide our customers fuel leak detector services.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Smart Kitchens by Superior Living is one of the UAE’s most dominant renovation and project management companies. We are a group of Selected contractors who are here to help you give your kitchen a complete makeover the smart way by our ceiling design for kitchen services. We’re here for you every step of the way.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I Need Someone To Write My Assignment Whether they are short-term assignments or long-term assignments, wrapping them up within a fixed timeline is the worst scenario a student could go through.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Looking for easy nft learning? Look no further than nftlearn.org! Our platform is designed to help you quickly and easily learn about all the latest developments in the nft industry. From upcomingNft learning free classes innovations to detailed product reviews, we have everything you need to stay ahead of the curve. So why wait? Sign up today and start your nft learning journey!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Cmolds stands as a top app development company, crafting innovative solutions tailored to businesses' unique needs. With expertise and creativity, Cmolds transforms ideas into impactful digital realities.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Howard's review of the Abduction Conference is a must-read! His insights capture the essence of the event, providing a comprehensive overview that keeps you informed and entertained. For seamless and flavorful events Catering services in Odessa Texas explore catering services that leave a lasting impression

    ReplyDelete
  21. Howard's poignant moment against the fireplace mantel reflects the tangible impact of thoughtful interior enhancements. Discover how fit-out companies in Dubai can bring emotional resonance to your living spaces through meticulous craftsmanship and design.






    ReplyDelete
  22. That's why Asbestos Removal Contractors Canada provide essential services to maintain healthy living environments.




    ReplyDelete